July 30th, 2009 
prav
Lisa Steadman, a relationship journalist for The Breakup Chronicles, and author of It’s a Breakup Not a Breakdown (Adams Media Corporation, ISBN-10: 1598691724) says: “Whether you’re married for years, have children, and/or just feel the spark is waning, it’s important to reignite that spark. You may need a shift in thinking. First, start thinking of your relationship as a third party. You, your partner, and the relationship are all active members of the same triangle. Not only do you and your partner have needs, but your relationship has needs. If you neglect it, you lose the spark.”
So how do you reclaim the spark? She advises: “Make time for slowing down, i.e. turn the TV off, set aside time to not talk about the kids, the bills, the debt, work. Talk to the other person about them. Light candles, listen to soft music, touch without being sexual. Just BE together. Kiss. Be kind, nurturing. Give back rubs. Go on a date. Invite play into the bedroom. Whether that’s cuddling, toys, sexy lingerie, whatever works for both of you. Don’t always make this time about sex. Sometimes in order to get back to sex, you need to first get back to loving and being loved as a couple.” She wants you to stimulate your senses to stimulate your sexual and sensual appetites. According to Dr Cheryl McClary PhD, JD, a women’s health professor and the author of The Commitment Chronicles — The Power of Staying Together (Sourcebooks Casablanca, ISBN-10: 1402206488), men are not motivated by wanting to have a better relationship.
“In a way, men sometimes are like cute pet puppies. A man would much rather roll around in the mud or dig holes in the yard than spend time making his relationship better,” Dr McClary says. “Now I am not saying men are like dogs or that they should come panting when you whistle. I am saying that many lessons about living with men can be learned from observing ever-faithful canine companions. All obedience schools are based on the reward system, so it’s probably worth applying some of their basic principles.”
Dr. Taffy Wagner, a love and money expert and author of Debt Dilemma (JTW Publishing, LLC, ISBN-10: 0976742101), recommends that in order to reignite passion in a relationship that has gone routine:
Have a date night at the other person’s favorite place
Dinner theater is always a nice twist
Treat your mate to a vacation where you pay for everything
Send your mate a dozen balloons
Even a one night stay over at a hotel that has hot-tubs in the room to break up the routine.
“Doing something out of the ordinary will spark the relationship,” Wagner says.
Often the hardest aspect is trying to understand what the man in our life is thinking. Michael French, author of Why Men Fall Out of Love: What Every Woman Needs to Understand
(Ballantine Books, ISBN-10: 0345492919), explains why men fall out of love, and offers tips on how to bring some excitement back into any marriage or relationship. In his book, French presents a fascinating look at men’s deepest feelings, identifying the key issues that can unravel even the tightest bonds, and has even identified the four top relationship busters:
“Libido is like a muscle — use it or lose it! That means you have to make a habit of lovemaking. The more you do it — the more you’ll feel like doing it,” says Jennifer Oikle, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in relationship coaching.
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